it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
