im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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