That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
