alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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