I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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