I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
