Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
