Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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