He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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