GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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