Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
