I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
