9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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