I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Non-Jews are for practice
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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