your room smells of hookers.
And success
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
