we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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