Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
