You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
