you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
