bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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