I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
