chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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