Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
