So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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