Are we in a gay sports bar?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
