I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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