so explain again why im purple
no
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
