After last night, I could never be a politician.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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