I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
