I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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