We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
