Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
