Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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