i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
