Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
