I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
