do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
