Don't make out with my wife yet
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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