i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
