We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
