when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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