I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
