I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
