pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
