I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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