i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
