I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
