By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
