Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.

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(406): View more from Montana

also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)

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(440): View more from Ohio

Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?

(1-440): View more from Ohio

because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?

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(682): View more from Texas

you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower

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(514): View more from Quebec

What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.

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(562): View more from California

he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.

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(773): View more from Illinois

We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.

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(330): View more from Ohio

While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.

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