Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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