I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
