he wants to bone in the snuggie
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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