Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We need a shit load of segways right now
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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