I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
