allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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