my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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