Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
